Can't wait

     VBS is officially over. I survived and all was well.  As you know, I was the teacher for the 7-8 year olds.  Surprisingly, I think that I may have been somewhat successful in teaching the little ones about Jesus and His love.  I didn't have any admit to receiving Jesus, but I am sure that most of these kids go to church with their families.  I got the impression that this wasn't many of their first VBS's either.  So my prayer is that I was able to teach them new stories and truths about God's Word.  Honestly, I even learned a couple of stories I hadn't known of before.  

     We went through some of the book of Acts.  We had a story about Peter, 3 about Paul and one about the very first churches.  We taught the kids that God's Word is: true, comforting, surprising, life-changing and for everyone.  We had memory verses daily that most of my kids came prepared to recite to me every day and we had videos and skits and crafts for them.  

      In the middle of the week, I didn't know if I was going to have enough energy to get through!  I came back completely exhausted!  I don't think it helped at all that I caught a cold probably from Vidia around Tuesday.  Yesterday though, I oddly had some spare energy after the big finale.  I didn't even take my usual nap before I went to meet with both the girls and Trisha.  Even after that, we had to set up for the 'give away' that we are having today.  It took us until very late in the night to get the church and all the donations we've gotten organized for all the people coming today.  

     Truly, I just say 'praise the Lord' for getting me through such a crazy week! It feels wonderful to be done and look back at all the things I accomplished....only by His power.  Now this give away today should be good also and go well.  I'm not sure what to expect as to how many people will come out.  And how much of the stuff that got donated will be taken.  Hopefully all of it so we don't have to throw it out.  

     So my plans for next week are crazy too.  I'm actually going to be flying out early Sunday morning to go to a different island here--Grenada.  There is a ECWI (Evangelical Church of the West Indies) 'leadership' conference held twice a year and it happens to be this year, during one of the weeks I am here, in Grenada.  So I will be there from Sunday to Friday.  

      This is just another of those things that I hardly have any information about, so I'm just going with the flow...like always. I've brought it up several times, hoping to get some information about it from Mitch, but either he doesn't know much either, or he assumes that I know everything he knows, or he thinks I don't need to know.  Either way, I have gotten frustrated with the communication on this island, mainly between the Johns and myself.  I have often made plans to Skype or something with family or friends on a day where I knew of nothing that was going on, only to be woken up in the morning hearing, "ok, we are going to the beach today!"  I guess my question is: was this decided early morning, or last night or the day before and I just wasn't informed of the plans?  I suppose you can see why it is frustrating.  ...And I know it's probably like a "cultural thing" so I should overcome my frustrations and accept it and them.  Frankly, it is proving to be a very hard thing for me to do.  I'm doing my very best to put this (my frustration) in God's hands and trust Him in all things.

     So that means that I need to trust Him about not knowing where I'll be sleeping once in Grenada, it means I need to trust Him in not having formal clothes for the "opening and closing ceremonies" (something I didn't know I need to have until last night), and I need to trust Him in not knowing the schedule for any of the days that I will be there.  You know it's funny.  Back home, I am usually more than content with 'going with the flow' and not asking questions because I know it'll all be ok anyway.  I tried it here and promptly failed 2 or 3 weeks into it. 

     Ok, enough rambling about my inadequacy.  Like I said, I get back on Friday night.  Then I will have Saturday, which will be filled with my last meetings with Trisha and the girls and a special dinner out with 2 of the church ladies!  Then comes Sunday, where I'll say goodbyes at church and pack my bags.  Then I fly out early Monday morning!  Here's another of my inadequate attitude flaws...I can't wait to be back home!  I cannot wait to take a shower in my own, clean shower.  I cannot wait to eat as much fresh fruit and vegetables as I want (yes, you would think that is all I am eating as I'm on a Caribbean island).  I can't wait to not have to worry about ants crawling all over my things including my laptop and toothbrush.  I can't wait to go watch Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows part 2!  I can't wait to see my dad and my friends and all the people I know have been praying for me.  I can't wait to be able to go for a run or a walk whenever I want.  

     As you can see, I'm excited to be home, but I don't think that that is a bad thing.  God has really showed me just how blessed I am at home.  

     Alright, it's about time to head to the church so hopefully I'll be able to post again maybe in Grenada depending on the internet access.  Love you all, and again, can't wait to see you all in 13 days!!

Vacation vs. Bible School

Made from cardboard...

Some of the nautical decor.

     Today was our first day of VBS!  This past week we have been working hard to prepare for the many children that are going to come to Valencia Evangelical Church for a week of fun.  The theme is 'High Seas Expedition', so all of our decorations and crafts are sea-related.

     I have been put in charge of teaching the 7-8 year-olds.  I was somewhat nervous, but it turned out that I have been given great help for the class.  God's placed wonderful volunteers to help me out and even one guy to almost help co-lead with me! What a blessing to have such substantial help!  All in all, today went very well :)

     You know, up until a short while ago today, I've had a despondent attitude toward this upcoming week.  VBS I know is fun and exciting for the kids...I also know it's a lot of hard work for everyone involved.  It's even more work when you feel as though you are 10 people short of help.  In my mind, for some reason, I had trouble seeing VBS as an actual outreach and tool for helping children to come to know Jesus.  

      I remember asking my dad one day in church about VBS this year and what he thought of it.  I asked him if he really thought it was effective for bringing the Gospel to kids.  I was remembering our past VBS's.  I remembered seeing a lot of the same kids that I saw every week in church.  I remembered seeing those same kids be the ones who felt that, because their parents weren't around, they had free reign. Why would we put on a hard, wearying VBS for kids who already know the Gospel?

     See, I just couldn't get past the judgment in my head that VBS doesn't do much for actually leading children to the Lord.  Crazy, I know...but to me it felt like an extremely exhausting daycare that we, the church members, hosted for a week.  It seemed like just a place where the kids to go to screw around and make crafts and eat snacks and watch movies all expense-free.  I wasn't sure that it was at all effective for delivering the plain Truth with all the clutter and the rushing from crafts to games to snacks to movies to lessons...

    Well that Sunday in church, my dad's answer to my question was, "yes, I think that VBS allows kids learn about Jesus who would have never had the chance to hear it otherwise." Now, that is how I am choosing to view VBS.  Even further, what would be the attraction for kids to come if we didn't go to the effort of making it fun and exciting?  

      So for this summer's VBS, I'm hoping and praying that we get a huge turnout of those kids who wouldn't have any other way of hearing the Gospel.  I hope that this week I can encourage at least one kid whose parents fail in encouraging them and loving on them.  I'm also praying that God will give me the stamina and strength to finish everyday with a smile.
  

Thoughts

For some reason, I didn't post this when I wrote it.  So here it is...5 days later:  

  Hi fellow bloggers and followers,

     So I officially have 18 days left in Trinidad. Then I head to Philadelphia once again for debrief with World Team.  I know that I have well over 2 weeks here, but I'm about at that point where nothing sounds better that 'home'.  I can't wait to see my dad and give him a huge hug! It's his birthday on the 30th, so we're planning a fishing-birthday celebration once I arrive.  I'm really excited to spend that time with him; it's going to be time on his new boat (!), where we have no place to be but on the water.  It'll be time that I can share all about this trip with him and we can work through all God has taught me. 

     Apart from missing home and family, I miss my friends.  I am absolutely not ready for Northwestern just yet, but I am looking forward to reuniting with all the friends I've made from the past two years there.  However there is one friend who I'm having to say goodbye to.  She has decided to transfer to a different school and finish her degree 12 hours from where I'll be.  I know that she has put a tremendous amount of thought and prayer into her decision, so I trust that God is leading her away and that He has amazing things planned for her next year.  However, that doesn't help with the feeling of sadness that has overwhelmed me lately.  We have grown SO close through late night heart-to-hearts and our daily exercise-then-have-lunch-and-go-to-class routine! It's been so good for me to have a friend like her...someone whom I can call 'best friend'.  She has been a rock of encouragement and godly advise for me.  We both know that it will be a hard next year without each other, but we both are going to lean on Jesus and through lots of emails and Skype, we will most definitely stay in contact! I am so looking forward to the plan that we've mad to see each other before school starts for her in September!

     I do have to add one more thing that has been weighing on my mind throughout my stay here.  Next year at school, I have been handed the leadership position of an RA (resident's assistant).  It is a HUGE commitment!  At most schools, you will hear the RA's job is to round up the rule breakers-- the drunks, the druggies-- and to deal with all the other regulations-- the late-night hour rules, the noise levels, and all the roommate problems... Yes, at NWC, we do have to do that, but the biggest challenges we will face is not the rule breakers.  NWC strives for a good community, so as the RA, our job is to promote that.  We are in charge of being true mentors at all the girls living on our wings (18 or so on mine).  It's hard to describe he amount of work that this will be, but again, I tell you that it is huge. 

    I don't want to sound unenthusiastic about this.  I am truly gaining excitement for it daily.  I just realize that this is something that is going to stretch me like I've never been stretched before!  I know that God is going to use this experience in magnificent ways in my life and I am so excited for that.  But I know also, that along with the ups, come downs.  So I have been spending a lot of mental time here on the thought of this, prepping myself.  What's also been a bummer for me is that my friend, whom I talked about already, was going to be an RA also.  I was counting on her to be there for me on those days when I'll think that I just can't take it anymore.  So in a way, I've had to mourn losing her in two ways. 

     Having said all that, you may be thinking, "how does this relate to your trip?"  It's true.  It technically doesn't, but it has been something that has been on my mind a lot throughout the trip, so I thought I would blog about it.  I am really trying to make this blog a genuine log of my actions, and thoughts, while I'm here.  It's only fair to myself to add these details.  Please, your prayers on these two thoughts/struggles are very valuable to me!

 

Patterns

Pickup game of soccer.

Watching 'Hop' at Carlos and Elizabeth's house.

      It seems I'm developing a routine for blogging on Wednesdays.  I suppose that's fine.  It's the middle of the week, "hump day" as some like to call it because once you get over the Wednesday hump, it's all downhill- easy sailing.  There is something about a good Wednesday that everyone likes.

     Well once again, it seems that I only have a few major things to report on - and when I say major, I mean somewhat eventful.  That's kind of how it is down here... somewhat eventful, never too eventful though! That would just be too much to handle.  I think I'm adjusting to that - at least I'm hoping I am.  I think that the biggest feat is adjusting my attitude to it over anything else!  I feel I'm doing a decent job.  Everyone can always improve though, no matter what your feat is... there is always someone out there who is doing it better than you.  There's a lesson! Don't compare yourself to others!  It's not fair.  And God doesn't do it.  He loves us all completely equally; no matter how much better I get at managing my attitude and finding joy in Him, He won't ever love me any more.  What an amazing thing, really.

     So onto my week... you know... I am really having to think about what I have done this past week.  Memories are so forgetful!

    Thursday we went Siparia, Trinidad for a day of family/church fun and fellowship called FamJam.  It's goal is to get families from churches from all over Trinidad to come.  Sadly, there were only two other churches besides ours to show.  It took me by surprise also to see the lack of families.   For a family day, there was a definite lack of grouped father, mother, and children.  I think I'm seeing a bit of communication errors, or lack of will to have effective communication, as a pattern here.  It's frustrating for not only me, but the locals here too. 

     Anyway, the day consisted of a worship time then competitive games.  The 3 churches competed against each other for points in 5 different events (3 of which I was in!).  I got to participate in a march to kick off the games (we won), a tug-of-war (we won), and a water-balloon toss (the only event we lost).  I passed on the football (soccer) and the cricket games.  It was a really hot day and even just watching them run around made me sweaty.  Then the kids got to take a swim in the pool to cool off.  It was a full day of fun and competition (they are far too competitive for me!).  Yes, I did end up with a sunburn on my face, and all the little Trini kids wondered "why my face was pink like a cherry." 

     Friday, we got to relax and recover from the previous day's activities.  I also got to meet with my girls for our first Bible study!  What was 3 girls turned into 4, and maybe more to come!  It went relatively well.  They all are intrigued by me and have respect for me so behavior problems weren't an issue at all!  What was difficult was that I was really hoping they would have more questions about the passage that we went through together.  It seemed I was doing most of the talking- practically begging them to ask even questions about me and my life.  In the end, a few started to come out of their shell!  All I have to say now is that within a day of that Bible study, they all added me on Facebook and I am so excited to meet with them again!  (P.S. I decided to go through James with them also!)

     Saturday and Sunday were more days for 'relaxation'.  However, Sunday was very enjoyable because we went to visit some family friends in Arima.  They have a little boy, so all the kids played together.  We even got to watch a movie on a projector screen and eat popcorn!  

     On Monday, the church held a "couple's night".  They showed the movie Fireproof and brought in a speaker from the States to talk about healthy marriages.  I was on babysitting duty so I didn't get to sit in on that.  It sounded like it was really successful though.  Something like 25 couples showed up and the speaker, Pas. Tony Hart, had a great message.  He's also doing a 3-day seminar in Calcutta about good marriages.  We went up to that tonight.  I actually really enjoyed it.  He had great things to say, that applied to all relationships, not just marriage.

     So....here are just a few more accounts of my daily life right now.  I hope that I'm not boring you too much, but I'm doing the best with what I'm being given! 

     You can pray once again for my attempts at capturing a positive attitude always.  Also, keep pray for the girls I'm meeting with weekly (Britney, Caitlan, Reann, and Ralista) and also for Trisha.  One more thing,  I'm a bit nervous about some interviewing that I'll be doing shortly.  I have quite a few people on my list that I'm supposed to interview and learn things from.  Just pray that I'll have courage to ask questions that prompt good conversation.  The goal is for me to learn more about missions and discipleship here in Trinidad and things like that.

     Okay, well thanks to those of you who are reading this and extra thanks to those who read and also pray for me.  I covet your prayers!!

Simplicity

     Hey guys!

     Since I last wrote, a lot has happened, yet hardly much has happened.  I'm coming up on it being 2 weeks for me in Trinidad.  THAT is hard to believe, but I have to be honest and say that I am still anxious for home as much as I may love what I'm learning here.  I think that I am discovering that I am just a homebody or maybe it is that I just relish in the comfort of the States.  Probably both are true.  

     Well, in this last week, we had Father's Day (I guess I never realized it was a international holiday until now) and Labor Day (Monday the 20th was Trinidad and Tobago's national Labor Day).  So it made for an eventful weekend and the length of it provided us with extra background music due to the fact that there is a bar about a block away from the house and Trini's love to party!

      For Father's Day, the church service was devoted to fathers and men in the church.  I had a good talk with Mitch about men and how we, the church, are almost assisting in societies encouragement for men to step aside from their God-given authority and leadership.  It's really a problem.  A quick thought for you:  think of all the problems we face in society today.  Now, to fix them, we NEED to fix the church! But to fix the church, we need to fix the families inside, and to fix the families we MUST fix the marriages!  And in order to fix the marriages, we need to fix the men and restore godly leadership.  

       I really think this is quite true -- not that women are perfect.  We most definitely have things to work on too.  But I do think there is a movement in society against the men....and I think it is of the Enemy.  He loves to do that kind of thing...inconspicuous destruction.

     On to Monday.  The kids got school off and I think we were planning to go to the beach (!), but the weather wasn't so permitting.  It was a rather rainy day.  So instead, we made a trip to Calcutta and visited some family friends.  It was a very fun day!  I got my toenails painted and I got to make 4 new pairs of earrings -- there were a couple of ladies really into that stuff.  We also played Scrabble and other games!  Before we left, I got to try an Indian pancake...made from rice and stuff.  What a joy to get to spend time with such warm people!  They were also World Team missionaries.  The couple moved here from India almost 20 years ago (I think).

      But before the weekend came the week.  It was rather uneventful and I think I can even use the word dull.  After our 7-hour traffic jam on Tuesday, the days of Wed, Thurs, Fri, and Sat were filled with lots of reading, TV-watching, cooking, eating, playing with the kids, and drinking tea.  I was, to tell you the truth, almost feeling imprisoned in the house because I was unable to leave alone (for safety) and I'm unable to drive, and I haven't met anyone willing to be a chauffeur.  I made it through though and actually it has given me great time for myself.  I truly enjoy getting to read books for pleasure at my own pace so that has been wonderful!  Just the latter part, about me having no chauffeur, is sad because it means that I haven't yet found friends here.  

     It has been very interesting to find that there really aren't any people in the church in the age group of 18-25 (any who are single at least).  And because I have only been to church and to elderly people's houses to bring them encouragement, I haven't had many chances to interact with people my own age.  This could be something that God has up His sleeve though. I know that the reasons for this is probably great in His plan for me being here....so I'm not too worried.

     Right now, I'm just trying to focus on the things I see that He has set before me -- the woman/ girls he has assigned to me.  I met with Trisha today!  It went so well...again! God is so good.  Today we started our little Bible study.  I'm just hoping to introduce her to an effective way of not just reading, but studying the Bible...in groups.  It's really neat to see her enthusiasm for the Word and her new outlook on faith.  She completely understands that our Christian lifestyle is really all centered around faith....faith in Jesus!  It was she who brought that subject up tonight!  She really helps simplify Christianity and the Gospel for me.  Sometimes, I think that we who have grown up with the Truth, often overlook the simple wonder of it all.

     So my goal for us is to go through the book of James at a slow pace so we can really delve for all that the Word can tell us.  Today we spent an hour and a half in James 1:1-18...only half the first chapter.  Seeing that James has 5 chapters, and if we go at the same pace, I'm hoping we can get 10 sessions out of my stay here.  That would mean we need to meet twice a week.  I am up to it, but it's on her because she does have a job and a husband and is involved in other things too.  However, even if we don't get to finish James, I hope to just teach her one method of study so she can continue and hopefully introduce it to other of her believer friends and they can grow in their walks together!  That's the ultimate goal -- developing disciples who can go forth and make more disciples.

     I'm sure I could write more, but I have an early day tomorrow!  We leave at 6 AM for FamJam, a church-organized day of fun and fellowship for families from churches all over Trinidad.  

     Love from Valencia!

Peace

Playing shopping with the girls!

     Today was a wonderful day!  I pretty much got to do nothing all day and I loved it!  Woke up in time to see the kids go off to school and had some oatmeal and coffee with my morning Bible reading.  I got to taste roasted corn on the cob with lime and salt for flavor (really wasn't bad!) and had a delightful bowl of corn/potato/noodle/ pumpkin soup.  I really liked it and also I liked getting to watch Vidia prepare the fresh garlic and onions and potatoes and corn and put it all together.  There is just something about watching people cook that I love!

     I got to read a couple chapters out of my book, mess around on my laptop, and do a few dishes for Vidia.  Then when Ellia and Emily came back from school, we played a little shopping.  I got to be the seller and the shopper!  For supper I had a burger of all things (ketchup and lettuce) and a banana and some sliced cucumbers.  Yum, yum.

     I also got to talk with my dad on Skype!  What a great day I've had.  Learning to be content is sometimes hard, but I don't think that I'm half bad at it :)  I'm hoping in your day was something to bring you joy!  

     I leave you with this....just because I like it and I believe it.

Do no be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and you minds in Christ Jesus.  
     -- Philippians 4: 6-7

Another update

We took a nap in all the traffic.

Hey everyone,

     It’s almost been a week already.  Wow.  Well, I have to praise God for keeping me healthy this far!  I’m so thankful that I haven’t gotten sick from the water or food or from traveling.  That is a huge blessing.  Please be praying that I will keep healthy for the remainder!!

     I want to let you know that I met with Trisha on Monday.  She’s the older girl that I will be discipling while I’m here.  I wanted it to be a get-to-know-you thing, and it was great!  She really has a heart to grow and learn more.  And I KNOW that I’m going to learn just as much from her!!  I still have yet to meet with the other 2 girls.  Be praying for this whole process!  I’m still a little nervous because of my inexperience.  Pray God gives me wisdom and guidance as I try to help these girls in their walk with the Lord.

     Good news!!  I’m starting to adjust to this place and I’m thinking that my homesickness is leaving.  I’m really hoping that the more I adjust to the culture and the family, the more I will grow to love this place and actually miss it when I have to leave.  There is another prayer request!

     Ready for a crazy Trinidadian story?  Yesterday we all got up early.  The two older kids went to school and Mitch, Vidia, Emily, Michelle (a leader from the church), and myself all packed into the car for an hours drive to San Fernando (the second largest city in Trin).  We went for a prayer meeting that they have on every 2^nd Tuesday of the month.  This time it was in San Fernando. 

     Well we arrived and had a wonderful time of worship through song then spent some time sharing prayer requests.  After our prayer time, we had a fabulous meal provided by the very kind people of the home we were in.  We left at about 1:00 to be back in time to pick the kids up from school. 

     Well, on the way out of San Fern, we came to a roadblock – an oil truck had turned over on the highway and spilled oil all over the road.  It caused a 7-car smash up.  Praise the Lord it wasn’t us, because we arrived to the accident only minutes after it had happened. 

     So we had to turn around and go back into San Fern and take an ulterior route, but once we reached to city again, the traffic was bumper-to-bumper and insane!  Long story short, we spent 7 hours on the road back to Valencia!!  What an experience!

     Looking on the bright side…. Mitch went to pick up the kids from a lady Vidia had to call to get them from school.  But what was sweet, he also brought back with him a freshly baked super of traditional Indian food.  I got to have roti with chickpeas and mango baked in extremely Indian spices ha!  It was not bad, but not what I would choose for my last meal on earth!  It was however, my first experience here with that traditional of food!

     Ok, well I’ve talked enough.  Please keep me in your prayers.  I’m so encouraged to know that I have you all back home lifting me up in prayer!!

Learning, always learning

     Wow.  Sorry it's been a while.  Where to start?

     Well, I arrived in Trinidad on Friday afternoon.  I got through immigration and customs very smoothly! Got my one, burnt orange suitcase, and immediately when I stepped outside of the airport, Mitch found me.  He introduced me to his wife (Vidia), his youngest daughter, Emily (ha), and a few friends they brought along.  Then we drove to Valencia and to the school to pick up his two other children, Joshua and Ellia.  We got to there home, which is now my home for the next 7 weeks, and I tried to settle in.  Later, we went to a neighbor/friend's house and went swimming! They had one of those 5 ft. deep pools you can set up in your yard.  What fun.  Later in the night, I was able to meet some of the church leaders and get to know them and have them get to know me.

      Yesterday was Saturday, their relaxing day, which worked very well for me. Traveling is exhausting!  Today we got up early for church.  It was ironically their "Missions Sunday".  I was asked to share a little about myself and my reason for being here and interest in missions.  Though I spoke for only a few minutes, it went well, despite my fear of public speaking.  

     One little surprise was that Mitch told me yesterday that I would be discipling 3 young women while I'm here...this was there first I'd heard of that.  One girl, probably in her mid 20's is a new believer!  I can tell she is excited for learning.  Another girl I met today is 11.  I think Mitch just wants interaction for her with me, an older girl and believer.  I have yet to meet the third girl.  

     Please be praying for my interactions with these girls!  I'm a little nervous.  I want to be able to minister effectively to them and for them to walk away with something tangible.  (That is also kind of expected of me, because I will be having weekly Skype meetings with leaders on the World Team team, who want updates and to see progress being made). 

     I know God has brought me here for a specific purpose.  I think I am now finding out what that purpose is.  I've always had a fear of preaching to people.  For some reason I think I'll do it badly or mess up or won't end up helping anyone.  I've always been timid because deep down, I don't think that I KNOW enough to be someone who disciples others.  I'm not a very good speaker and I let that be an excuse.  (I remember being terrified of the devotions-time-of-the-day when I was a camp counselor.  Even to girls half my age, I thought I couldn't teach them something valuable.)   

     The TRUTH is, I may not be the most educated on the Bible, I may not be the most persuasive speaker, I may stumble over words and be scared and intimidated.  But that is NO reason not to speak.  I have the most precious thing inside of me... I have the love of Jesus Christ.  I have salvation.  That alone is more than enough to speak.

     I know that these 3 girls already know that much.  They all already believe the Jesus is God's Son who came to die for our sins.  We share that belief and that love.  Now, it is my turn to depend completely on God to work through me so that I can help these girls in their walk with Christ.  They want to learn and the want me to teach them.  

      Last night, a friend helped me in my mini panic attack.  She was able to encourage me and remind me that "fear is NOT from God."  I praise God for that time that I got to spend talking with her!  Thank you God for giving her to me to tell me that I can do this.  God loves me and all He wants from me is that in all that I do, the glory is His. 

     God knew what He was doing when He brought me here.  He's tricky that way.... giving me this opportunity to learn more about HIM and trust in Him.  Today in church, we heard a message on Philip preaching the Good News to the Ethiopian in his chariot.  But previously in the chapter, Philip and the rest of apostles were scattered throughout the land because persecution broke out in their church in Jerusalem.  They were comfortable in Jerusalem.  But God had to bring persecution to their church so that they would GO.  

     It makes me wonder.  Did God bring me here to face a huge fear of mine because I wasn't listening to Him at home?  Was I that stubborn that God had to place me in this situation with these 3 girls desiring for me to teach them so that I couldn't say "no"?

      I am thankful for every trial because it brings perseverance and perseverance must must finish it's work so that I may be complete, not lacking anything (James 1: 2-4).  I am thankful that I will be learning trust.  I now am truly dependent on God for guidance and wisdom as I try to disciple these girls.  Praise be to God for any good that comes out of whatever will happen in my sessions with them.  I know that I am imperfect, that I will not be perfect in my teaching.  But I ask that God will give me grace as I do my best to help these girls mature.

     Once again, please be praying for me along the way and feel free to ask questions about how it's going and/or give advice!

Arriving

I'm here!

Philly Cheesesteak- I thought it was rather tasty!

     Sooo...!  God has calmed me and given me more peace about this trip than I could have expected!  From arriving and meeting 8 other interns all in the same boat as me, right down to the phone call I just had with Dean (the retired Trinidadian missionary living in Atlanta), I've experienced great calm.  This time with these other kids has really blessed me.  They are all wonderful people who love the Lord and want to see the advancement of His kingdom.  Of the 8, 3 are going to NYC, 1 is bound for Itlay, 1 to London, and 3 to Papua, Indonesia.  What's really been special is hearing all of their excitements, fears, anxieties, and dreams.  I've also been encouraged by other people who work at World Team who've told me all the wonders Trinidad has waiting for me.  

   Another cool thing I want to share is that I will be going to a leadership conference toward the end of my stay in Trinidad. It's in Grenada, an island northwest of Trinidad and Tobago.  I'm excited at the opportunity to travel even outside of Trinidad!  Dean and Mitch both think that this will be a wonderful experience for me.

      I still have uncertainties, but they are no longer fears necessarily.  Through my inconsistent (I have to admit) prayer and my encouragement by friends I've made here, I have gained an excitement for the things I will see in Trin.  God is good.  Sometimes that truth slips my mind.  But I always get to come back to the righteousness and sovereignty of God.

     Hope you guys are getting to experience those qualities of God wherever you may be in the world!

Off to Philly

    This is a post that I started in the airport but couldn't really finish because the airport called my name over the intercom Ha! I think I was the last person to board :)

     I'm just about to start my first leg of my journey to Trinidad.  My flight to Philadelphia for training leaves in about a half hour.  As I sit in the airport with my daddy, I have a great sense of peace as I gaze at my future endeavors.  I'm grateful to have him here to send me off! 

     Thus far, my trip has been smooth sailing.  We arrived in Denver at the hotel last night just in time to watch the 3rd game of the NBA finals (he's rooting for the Heat while I was disappointed to see the Mavs loose).  One thing that I was hung up over for a small fraction of time was that I forgot to grab my copy of the Deathly Hallows on my way out the door yesterday afternoon.  Yes, I am a Harry Potter fan and I might be upset if I have to wait until I get home to see the new and FINAL movie! Ha.  I guess I'll live if I have to wait.  I seriously considered buying the book again in the airport so I wouldn't be left out when everyone is talking about it come July 15th.  I passed though.

 Here's where my name echoed through the airport!

1 week to go

     Well I now have a little more than one week until I leave for Philadelphia and down to Trinidad. I'd love to say that I'm excited beyond belief, but that wouldn't be necessarily true.  So truthfully, I'm still scared and nervous about the unknown and the potentially uncomfortable. It's scary to me to think that I've given my summer to God and to the Trinidadians and to Mitch (the pastor I'll be working under) and I still don't even know what I'll be doing from day to day.  It's scary to think that I will be living with a host family that I've never met.  It's scary to think that I will be completely out of my element and alone for two months (no other Americans, or Europeans or Asians, etc. for that matter, are going along with me).

     I know one thing for sure.  I will walk away from this experience a better person.  I know that God will most likely not use this summer to change all the hearts of the Trinidadians (Trini's) that I meet, but He'll use this summer to change ME.  Truly, I think that that is what short-term missions trips are all about.  Learning and changing and forming into more of the person that God has planned.   I'm not saying that I don't believe God will use me to change the Trini's or use me to lead some to Christ.  I'm saying that beyond pure evangelism, God will USE me.  He'll use me all up in order to let Himself in.  I'm hoping that one of the greatest things I'll walk away with this summer is a deeper desire to know our Lord better. 

     While on the subject of what I am hoping for out of this summer, I will mention of few of the things I desire.  I am praying that God will show me how to...frankly....be more of a people-person.  I want to learn how to communicate better and how to love others better and how to get to know people better.  Basically, I want to learn skills that I think I'm lacking in.  Too often, I'm plainly content in being alone and entertaining myself without the company of others.  Sometimes I find it almost insufferable to pretend to laugh at people's jokes or be interested in the petty stories they tell.  (I don't want to sound at all condemnatory or even fake. However I think what really bothers me is when I start to change who I am to fit in around others.  And maybe this calls for an entirely different entry, but the point: I enjoy being alone, I think mostly, because it's when I am most able to be me.)

     One other thing I want to learn while I'm down there is complete trust. Up to this point, I've wanted to be pretty controlling of everything. I've wanted to know what I'll be doing daily, what clothes to bring, if I'll have to speak in front of the church, even if I need to bring my own shampoo. Some of things are reasonable to want to know, but I know that sometimes we Americans get a little carried away with the details. We tend to crave control. I'm not sure that's the best way to go about it. If I have to get up in front of the church to speak, I want to be able to trust God that He'll give me the words and the courage to say what He puts on my heart. I think one of the hardest parts about it for me is when I'm asked specific questions about this trip. People who know me and who are genuinely interested in what I'm doing (maybe it's someone who's given a donation for my trip) ask directions and they assume that I know the answers. I'm going out of the country with and organization as a part of a school program..... why shouldn't I know all the answers. But really, not knowing the answers isn't the hard part. It's seeing their faces and reactions when I tell them, "You know, I don't really know what I'll be doing when I'm there" that is hard for me. I kind of associate that with the American culture though; a little bit judgmental and possibly over-controlling. So it's not like I blame them, it's just that I don't really like being thought of as completely care-free and irresponsible [although I admit to being some of each of those :)].

I guess to sum up because I'm running out of time and things to say.... I'm scared, anxious to be excited, trying to trust, and wanting to learn. Please pray for me right now in those ways. Love you guys!!

Time's a tickin'

     Well, it's been a while, but finals are out of the way, school is done for the present, and I'm at home trying to make a bunch of decisions about the future.  I thought once I was done with school, I would be able to relax and enjoy my time at home while I collected things for my RA job next year.  Now I have a ton of new things on my mind.  The most pressing is that I just found out (today) that I need a work permit to go down to Trinidad.  Not sure why I didn't know before, but God does.  His spirit is one of the only calming things to me right now.  I know that God is good. I believe it wholeheartedly. 

     Sometimes I think that we take life too seriously.  Why don't we all just make decisions that make us happy, as long as they're God-glorifying and they don't hurt anyone?  I wonder... is it our fear of life that keeps us from happiness? Do we let fear control most (if not all) our decisions?  In the Bible, the most frequent command given by God is, "fear not."  Obviously He knew that even today fear would be ever-present in our decisions...in our lives.  It is NOT God's wish for us to be controlled by fear.  In fact, the Enemy must celebrate every time one of his victims makes a fear-based decision. 

   My most recent prayer is that I would no longer be subject to fear; that I would be able to find courage in the Spirit to rise above my fear...and live.  I want a life full of happiness and adventure and love and....not fear.  I'm tired of being afraid.  Often, I'm afraid to even make one decision.  That shouldn't be.  I have the freedom in Christ to make a decision without fear, because I know that if I mess up, His grace will cover me.....always!  That should be the least fearful thing. 

     I love God and I know that He will use me for His will.  I trust Him.  Now, I need to stop wasting time being afraid of life, afraid of decisions and of their outcomes.  We all need to accept the grace that has already been granted to us. 

    I'm so excited to see where God will have me in one year and what I will have learned in that time. I won't lie.  I am scared.  But I am going to make conscious choices to no longer let fear dictate my decisions. It will be a battle, and I know sometimes I'll be on the loosing side, but I know God's love and His forgiveness and His grace will be there.... He is a steadfast God and I can rely on Him. 

    So Lord, help me, help us all, to no longer live in fear, but to live in your grace. Amen.

Blessings

Wow! I just checked how my support-raising is coming. The Lord is surly providing! It blew me away to see the people who are interested in helping me this summer.  Thank you everyone!  Glory to God.

Greetings!

Hello everyone,

Here's a spot for you to check on happenings in my life (and for me to attempt to log at least the momentous events).  I can be bad at remembering to take the time to recall my life's events, but I'll do my best!

Check in every now and then for some new updates. I'll try and be good about it.

Love,

Emily